A Tropical Heatwave Near the Arctic Circle

"It doesn't get hot in Russia... does it?"  

I can't tell you how many people have asked me this question.  I remember my first summer in Russia.  That was 1996.  I remember lying awake through the sweltering nights and praying that some mode of transportation would drive down the street just to stir the air a little.  I also remember dragging a mattress out on the crumbled balcony and "camping" there.  I was actually thankful for the mosquitos because they caused a little microscopic breeze as they buzzed in my ears.

I have often thought back to those days and wondered if I would ever be that hot again.  Well, we have an answer!  It is so crazy hot in StP right now!  Go ahead, ask, "HOW HOT IS IT?"  Well, I thought you might ask. I will tell you.  It is so hot that there is not one fan left in the city to be sold.  I know.  I looked.  I pounded the sizzling pavement today looking in every store.  They are all sold out.  It made the news.  Ours is not the only city that has sold out of fans.  Someone is making a lot of money!

I can already hear you skeptics in Texas.  You are saying, "She says it is hot, but what does she mean by 'hot'?"  Right now, at 10pm, with the sun staying out past its normal curfew because of White Nights, it is 88F.  Before you scoff, laugh and mock at our sub 100 temperatures, I need to remind you of a few things.  

1.  We have no air conditioning.  In fact, I am having a hard time finding a mall or cafe  or restaurant that has air conditioning.  There is no relief! 

2.  We have no swimming pools - I mean ones for cooling off and relaxing.  You can find a pool to swim laps in - that is an indoor pool or you can travel an hour to an indoor water park that is crazy expensive and packed with kids.

3.  Need I remind you that WE HAVE NO FAN!  Where are those buzzing mosquitos!  I will gladly give a little blood in exchange for a tiny, little breeze.

Yesterday, in an attempt to cool off, I went to a cafe that sells oreo shakes.  I thought about pouring it on my head, but I refrained.  I was thrilled to find a seat next to a woman with a collapsible fan.  She sat there fanning herself and I situated myself in the jetstream.  It was great until she left, the jet stream changed directions and the cigarette smoke from my neighbors on the other side started creeping over.  

I actually daydreamed about going to the grocery store and taking a nap in the freezers where they sell ice cream - soft enough to make a nice pillow.  Don't worry!  I didn't do that... not yet, at least.

Today I did find a little relief in the store that should have had fans.  No fans, but they ran their A/C on high.  I pretend shopped for a while, and then left and bought a bottle of kvass from a street vendor.  I drank the whole thing on the mile walk home.  

-50F in the winter 

100F in the summer

I live in a land of extremes.