Absolutely!... Maybe

As I walk down the street to the office, I know that I turned off the coffee pot before I left, but I feel uncertain.

On a plane to head back to the USA for a month, I am sure I locked my car doors, but I don't remember doing it. I worry.

My faithful friend assures me that she wants to hear my worries and concerns about my future, and I believe her, but I feel like a burden.

Each one of us is a complex ball of heart, soul, and mind. I am not sure that I will ever understand it. It is one of the things that makes us such amazing beings. We were created to be more complex than any other species. No creature fully understands itself. For some reason, though, we understand enough to think that we should be able to completely comprehend who we are and why we do what we do. It is all at once an exercise in futility and a journey of discovery. I find that I am learning more and more about myself, but the more I know, the more confused I get. The irony of life.

There was a man once who knew his purpose. He didn't have to have a career counselor or personality test to set him on the right path. He was in the business of building roads, preparing paths, making a way for other travelers to clearly and successfully reach their destination. He knew exactly where he came from - a great advantage in his line of work. And he knew where he was going. His life was right on schedule and his purpose was right on target, until....

He ended up in prison. Now, most prisoners will tell you that they are there unjustly, but in this rare case, he was right. He was there because he said something that was true. Truth is often unwelcome to corrupt rulers and this is what landed him in a filthy, stinking, dark cell. No tv. No internet. No books. No way to do his job.

So for a man who was so certain about his purpose in life to be cut off from any chance of doing what he knew he was made to do, it is understandable that there would be a collision of that which he knew and what his heart told him. Frustration. Doubt. Despair.

I am sure that you can relate just as well as I can to the life of John the Baptist. If you aren't familiar with his story, take a look. It is worth the read. You will find it in Luke 1, Luke 3:1 - 22 and Luke 7:18 - 35.

One detail that really struck me was that Jesus was not upset when John voiced his doubts. It reassures me that I don't have to stuff my own questions, I can take them to Him. He isn't threatened and He certainly isn't surprised. And John wasn't wrong about his purpose. He was absolutely right about it. What he didn't understand as all the details. So, he wasn't God! What do you expect?

I still don't understand how I can know something is true and yet still wonder if I am right in believing it. I do take comfort in knowing that John felt that same way and, boy, did Jesus love him! And it is in bringing those questions into the light, to Light Himself, that is most reassuring to my faith.